Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My Angel

Saturday night was the Hague Family Christmas Party. I was talking with my Aunt Karen and she said that it was hard to believe that we would be having a family party and not hear Judy's laugh. She said she could still hear her laugh in her head. I couldn't. I tried to hear her laugh in my mind, but I couldn't. Fortunately, my mom made a DVD 2 years ago where she sits and talks and laughs and tells stories about her life. Its about 3 hours long and completely priceless. Since Richard was gone, I got the kids to bed after the party and watched the DVD. I heard her laugh, I heard her voice, I saw her smile. It was great....until the end and then I started bawling. I pulled the blanket up to my face to muffle my sobs and whispered, "Oh Mom, why aren't you here?" Which I know is a stupid thing to say, because I know why she's not here, but I said it anyway. And before I finished the last two words, a thought just jumped into my mind... I am here....I know it wasn't my own mind that thought those words, because I hadn't even finished saying what I actually was thinking. She is here. I'm sure she is so much closer than I can even imagine. I love her. I miss her. I know she is watching over us.

7 comments:

Rod and Jessica said...

Oh Jenny, my heart aches for you. I know your mom is around you constantly, but I'm sure the holidays make her physical absence more profound than ever. My hugs and prayers are with you!

Rachel said...

oh, now I'm crying. Jenny, I have been thinking of you quite often lately. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and my heart just hurts for you. And I know you are right, your mom and my little son are closer to us than we even realize and sometimes when we are really lucky, we get a little glimpse of just how aware they are of us. More tender mercy's from our Savior. Love ya Jen

Heather said...

Jenny, I too have had a similar experience. I know she is close, but it doesn't stop the heartache. I miss her so much. I wish I could feel her all the time. I have really been struggling with her being gone and getting into the christmas spirit. I look forward to being with all of you again. That always makes the hole in my heart less painful. I love you!!!

Daisy Chick said...

Jenny,
Just want you to know I love you and I am looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks for Christmas. I don't even know what to say but that I know your Mom is watching over you always. See you soon.

Em

Bamamoma said...

What an awesome story. Thank you for being open to the Spirit and for recognizing it and then for sharing. See you soon!

Lisa said...

Don't know what to say since you make me bawl every time I read this stuff. Just sending lots of hugs your way!!!

Karen and Joe said...

Jenny,
Well, consider that I can't bring myself to watch that video yet like I told you because I know I'll have a major migraine from all the crying.
What am amazing experience you had and you will continue to have.
Judy was and is an incredible woman---just like you! I love you!