Saturday night was the Hague Family Christmas Party. I was talking with my Aunt Karen and she said that it was hard to believe that we would be having a family party and not hear Judy's laugh. She said she could still hear her laugh in her head. I couldn't. I tried to hear her laugh in my mind, but I couldn't. Fortunately, my mom made a DVD 2 years ago where she sits and talks and laughs and tells stories about her life. Its about 3 hours long and completely priceless. Since Richard was gone, I got the kids to bed after the party and watched the DVD. I heard her laugh, I heard her voice, I saw her smile. It was great....until the end and then I started bawling. I pulled the blanket up to my face to muffle my sobs and whispered, "Oh Mom, why aren't you here?" Which I know is a stupid thing to say, because I know why she's not here, but I said it anyway. And before I finished the last two words, a thought just jumped into my mind... I am here....I know it wasn't my own mind that thought those words, because I hadn't even finished saying what I actually was thinking. She is here. I'm sure she is so much closer than I can even imagine. I love her. I miss her. I know she is watching over us.
pain and panic at your service
6 hours ago